Photoshop Composite
I have been listening to a new Audiobook, Lisa Marchiano ~ “The Vital Spark, Reclaim your Outlaw Energies and find your Feminine Fire.” It is a Jungian analysis of a woman’s journey; do you negate the soul kernel – who you are meant to be in this life time – and follow the path that society demands that you follow? Or, do you take the road less traveled, listen to that soul whisper, refusing to bow down to cultural norms? I listened to part of a chapter this morning, where the author is describing a woman who was an artist, yet took the path of getting married, having children and only dabbled with her artistic skills. She then had a dream and a coincidental meeting with an old schoolmate who had gone on to become an artist. This profoundly changed her life and she went on to explore her artistic self. I have been duking it out with this sort of dilemma for years. It has to do with the stuckness I have been feeling of late.
This mornings dream: I found myself consenting to marry a man ill-suited for me. I was in a kitchen, dressed in the same style pajamas that the man was wearing except that my pj’s didn’t fit, way too tight, constricting. The scene felt like the clothing and kitchen were very old fashioned, in a Victorian sense. Meanwhile my friends had been waiting for me in a park, sitting under a wooden sculpture of a Turtle skeleton. They knew that I would be walking down the path next to the sculpture. They had brought along a man whom they wanted me to meet, and that they felt would be well suited for me. Finally, when I had not appeared, one of the men friends got up and went to look for me. He found me in the kitchen after I had consented to the engagement. My friend was very upset with the both of us, demanding that the ill-suited man take back the engagement. I just stood there giggling, overweight, blonde, in the too tight, silk, dark striped pj’s. (I don’t look like that, this is a shadow self). My friend asked me not to take the first offer made to me.
This dream has much to do with my unhappiness with my corporate job and not finding enough time to make art. It is out of the question to quit my job, that would be a financial disaster. One of the managers made the comment the other day, “I am glad you have a hobby”, after I had told her about my home art studio. This comment, though meant well, made me mad and stung my pride, even though she was kinda right; my art is only a hobby, I only dabble at it. I came to realize that she meant my corporate job, designing greeting cards for corporate customers was legitimate and making your own art was only a hobby. I think this is a typical way of thinking about creatives. I can still remember a dream I had when I was a twenty something young woman, asking me if I wanted to be a poor starving artist or find a legitimate job which would support me. This dream has haunted me all my life. I took the road more travelled, found job after unsatisfactory job, and have lived to regret some of it. I should be glad that I finally do have a legitimate creative job, it is putting up with the corporate crappage that is depressing.
My frustration gets the best of me, I look for a quick fix, but know deep inside that I must take my time, get it right, and the work will follow.
Turtle medicine exploration: I carry my home with me where ever I go. I go slowly, but eventually get to where I want to go. There is plenty of time. I exist outside of time. Time is a man made construct, as long as I inch forward towards my goal the universe will eventually gift me with my dream. The feeling of lack and frustration is impeding me from a deep connection with the great mystery. There is nothing more important in life than to keep trying, keep moving forward towards my goal.
Adobe Illustrator
Sacred Spiral Design 